Second Chances
by dreamydevotee
Summary: Meredith and Derek come face to face again after 8 years. How will they react? Is the old chemistry still there? They have both moved on........or have they? DerMer Completely AU
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is a first for me. I know that the Derek and Meredith story has been done a million times, BUT they are my favourite couple hands down. So here's my spin on it.**

**Hope you like it. Please review and let me know what you think.**

**Big thanks to Kaz for proof reading. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy or any of the characters. If I did, Derek and Meredith would be together already!**

Derek stood at the front of the church with Mark, both of them looking to the rear of the church in anticipation. It was Mark's wedding day, he was marrying Addison, the love of his life. Derek should have been thinking about them and what he could do to help his commitment phobic friend through the next few minutes until Addison arrived and Mark started to breathe normally again. Instead all he could think about was Meredith and the fact that she was about to walk through the door. Considering he was only the best man, he was doing a good impression of a nervous groom!

As he stood there waiting the arrival of the bride and her maids, all he could picture in his mind was Meredith and the moment that they'd had the previous night at the rehearsal dinner. He hadn't seen her in 8 years, not since she had told him that she was going to Oxford and leaving him. After all the plans that they had made. How could she just up and leave him? They'd loved each other; they were Derek and Meredith for god's sake! He thought that he was over her, that he had moved on. How wrong could a person be? One look at her when she arrived at the church for the rehearsal and all the old feelings came flooding back. Not that he would ever admit that to her. After all he wasn't crazy!

Meredith looked over at Addison and smiled reassuringly. Addison was marrying Mark today, her one true love. She should be happy for Addi and Mark, she was happy for her friends. It was just there was something bothering her and she couldn't quite put her finger on it. If she was honest she knew exactly what (or should she say who) was bothering her, but Meredith was never honest with herself - at least not where matters of the heart were concerned.

As she stood there waiting for her cue to walk down the aisle to witness her best friend marry all she could think about was Derek. Why was she not surprised? Derek was never far from her thoughts. Seeing him yesterday talking to Mark outside of the church she was shocked at just how much he could affect her. She had been sitting in her SUV across the road from the church when she saw him. God he'd looked good - even from a distance. Sitting in her car she had taken the opportunity to have a good look at him.

"Meri?" Addison looked over at her friend questioningly, Meredith didn't seem to be paying any attention, she was lost in her own little world.

"Meri" Addison walked over and gently touched her on the shoulder

Meredith turned to look at her. "What's the matter Addi?"

"Are you OK? You look a little troubled"

"I'm fine. Do you need me to adjust something?" Meredith asked trying desperately to get the spotlight off her.

"No, I don't need anything...except for you to start walking, I want to get married!" Addison laughed in reply - she knew exactly what (who) Meredith was thinking about, she had that look.

Meredith shook herself visibly, "God Addi, I'm sorry, I'm not very good at this. Of course, let's get going and get you married. Mark must be crapping himself out there waiting for you to walk through the door. He'll be thinking that you've done a runner!"

Meredith was babbling and she knew this, but that was her thing when she was nervous and felt uncomfortable, she babbled. Turning she nodded at the usher who opened the doors, the music began to play, she took a deep calming breath and began to walk.

At the sound of the music, Derek and Mark both looked up at the same time. Nothing could have prepared Derek for what he saw. Meredith was walking down the aisle, towards him. As he stood there looking at her, his eyes locked with hers and he could almost imagine that this was their wedding day and she was walking towards him, about to become his wife. _Jeez, Derek where did that come from? _As he stood there mesmerised by her beauty he realised that this was what he had been missing from his life. She was what was missing. For the past 8 years he had felt as though something was missing, but he could never quite figure out what it was. Sure he had his share of dates (well to be honest he was a bit of a player), he had a job that he loved, but it just never seemed to be enough. Now he knew why. In that moment he decided whatever it took he would win her back. He needed Meredith in his life again - permanently and he would do whatever it took to make that happen.

Mark looked over at Derek and grinned, he knew exactly what was going through his friend's mind. Meredith looked gorgeous and if he hadn't been so crazy in love with Addi since jnr high, he might have taken a chance with Meri. Although, he knew that for Meri it was Derek all the way, always had been, they just got a little caught up on the unimportant things and let them get in the way. He and Addison had hoped that getting them together at the wedding might make them wake up and realise where they had gone wrong. Looks as if we were right, Mark thought to himself smugly.

Elbowing Derek in the side to get his attention Mark says "She's gorgeous isn't she?"

"Addi? Of course she is Mark" Derek replied

"I'm not talking about Addi and you know it man. I know that you're thinking impure thoughts in the house of the lord about a certain Chief Bridesmaid"

"Mark, you really have lost the plot. This wedding has got you seeing every single person as a potential love match for someone else. Meredith and I tried it out, it didn't work and we've moved on. Let it go man. Concentrate on the hot babe that's walking down the aisle behind her!"

As they stood there waiting for Addison to make her way to the front of the church Derek took a deep breath to calm himself. Mark had been a little too close for comfort in his little speech. He had only just admitted to himself that Meredith was what he was looking for, he wasn't ready to voice it to someone else. Even if that someone else was his best friend.

As Meredith stood at the front of the church waiting for Addi her thoughts wandered to Derek and the looks that he had been giving her as she walked down the aisle. She could have sworn that he was giving her the "McDreamy" look. It was almost as though those piercing blue eyes could see right into her soul. Once her and Derek had locked eyes, she hadn't been able to look away. Then again, neither had he. She had once pictured herself and Derek standing in this very church in front of their friends and family committing to love, honour and cherish each other for all eternity. Seems it just wasn't meant to be. Being here today though watching Mark and Addi pledging their love in front of all and sundry made her wonder.

Standing there listening to the minister Meredith began to play a dangerous game in her head.

What if?...

**A/N: So what did you think? Please review and let me know. Constructive criticism is most welcome. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed my last chapter. This is the next installment. I hope you like it. Please review and let me know what you think.**

**Big thanks to Kaz for proof reading again.**

"I never want to see another balloon as long as I live!" Meredith stated as she burst into a fit of giggles looking over at Addison was almost unrecogniseable under a pile of streamers.

"I hear you. This afternoon has been brutal. I never thought we'd get it finished. In fact I'm sure that if the boys hadn't shown up we would still be decorating this hall" replied Addison

"Are you kidding me Addison? If the boys hadn't shown up we would have been finished by lunchtime!" Meredith replied incredulously. She knew that the boys thought that they were helping to finish the prom decorations, but in actual fact they were more of a hindrance.

Speaking of the boys, where are they? Meredith thought to herself. They were supposed to be taking the ladder back to the janitor's storage room for lock up. A five minute job was taking a lot longer than it should. Oh well, she shrugged, they'll turn up shortly. After all if they didn't get going they wouldn't be ready in time for prom. After all the work that she and Addison had put into decorating the hall, there was no way that they were going to miss their own Senior Prom.

"Do you know where the boys went Addison? They were supposed to be taking the ladder back, but they haven't come back yet" Meredith asked

"Not sure, I saw them go out the back doors with the ladder, I assumed that they took it back." Addison replied in a slightly distracted voice

"Derek! Mark! Where are you?" Meredith yelled out, her voice echoing in the nearly empty hall. "Come on guys, we want to get going. We have a prom to get dressed for and if you don't hurry up we are going to be late!"

"Derek!"

"I'm coming, hold your horses Meri" Derek replied

"OK, hurry up. I want to leave in 5 minutes and if you don't hurry up, I'll leave without you. Seriously!" Looking down at Addison surrounded by streamers, Meredith simply shook her head. Meredith was absolutely bewildered that her so well put together friend could end up in such a mess so easily.

"Need a hand Addi?" Meredith queried barely concealing her amusement.

Looking up at her friend with a wry smile touching lips, Addison replied "That would be great Grey. As long as it's not going to detract from your amusement!"

"OK, come on then" Meredith leaned down and offered Addison her hand to help her off the ground.

"I was trying to save these streamers, but I think that they're done for." Meredith simply nodded in agreement.

Looking up at the sound of approaching footsteps, both girls smiled and chorused in unison "Bout time!"

Walking up and enveloping Meredith in a hug, Derek looked down at her smiling face. "Are you ready to go?"

Smiling up at him, "Absolutely" was her simple reply.

Walking out the door, Derek turned to Mark and Addison while Meredith secured the door. "Meet you here, at 7.30?"

"Sounds good man. See you then" Mark replied

"Bye Meredith" Addison called as Mark led her to the car.

"Bye Addi"

The drive back to Meredith's place passed in relative silence. Looking over at Derek as he concentrated on driving Meredith still couldn't believe that he was hers. She smiled to herself as she recalled the crush that she'd had on him for what seemed like forever. Derek and Mark were best friends, Meredith and Addison were best friends. Mark and Addison had been a couple since junior high. It had taken Derek and Meredith a little longer to get together (pure ignorance on his behalf, she'd always known that he was what she wanted).

Feeling her gaze on him, Derek turned to her and saw that she was smiling. "What are you smiling about Meri?"

"Nothing in particular, I was just thinking about the fact that you took so long to recognise that it was me you wanted and not those other bimbo's that you dated."

"They weren't all bimbo's Meredith!" Derek replied indignantly

"They were too Derek Shepherd. Don't try and deny it. Some of them could barely string a sentence together"

"OK, I'll give you that. Some of them were only a pretty face. And what can I say? It takes some of us a little while longer to appreciate what's right in front of us. But let me tell you, I'm so glad that I've got you now" he said softly as he lifted her hand to gently kiss her palm.

"You are so smooth Derek, sometimes I wonder where you get all these lines from. Not that I'm complaining, as long as I'm the only one that you use them on..."

Pulling into the drive out the front of Meredith's house Derek turned the car off. Twisting in his seat so that he was facing her, he placed both hands on either side of her face. Looking directly into her eyes, he leaned in slowly and placed a tender kiss on her lips.

"Meredith, you are the only girl for me. You are the only one that I have ever loved, and while it may have taken me longer than most to realise that not so small fact, it doesn't detract from the depth of my feelings. I love you, Meredith, only you. Trust me when I say that I have never said those words to another girl."

Slightly taken aback by his declaration, Meredith simply sighed. _What do you say to that Meredith?_

"I love you too Derek, you know I do. It's just that sometimes I need to pinch myself to make sure that I'm not dreaming all this. My life isn't exactly a walk in the park, and whenever something good happens, well...I guess I just get a little apprehensive. Like I'm waiting for something bad to happen."

Derek knew that Meredith's life with her mother, the "great" Ellis Grey wasn't easy. More often than not she was left to fend for herself as her mother was often too busy at the hospital to be worried about what was going on in her daughter's life. Derek cursed Ellis for making Meredith believe she wasn't worthy of anything good in her life, for making her feel so insecure and lacking in self-confidence.

"Meri, I love you, issues or not. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, so get used to having me around. I'll be back to pick you up at 7.00pm."

Leaning forward to place a quick kiss on his lips Meredith whispered, "I love you too Derek. See you at 7.00" got out of the car and ran into the house.

Opening the front door and stepping inside Meredith began calling for her mother. "Mom! Mom!" wandering into the kitchen she saw a note propped against the vase on the table.

**Meredith, there was an emergency at the hospital. I will try and make it back before you leave for prom.**

**Mom**

_Well isn't that typical! Meredith thought in disgust as she made her way to the fridge to get a drink. She couldn't go shopping with me for a prom dress and now she won't see me before I leave. Unbelievable. _

_Oh well, Meredith thought to herself as she climbed the stairs to her room, Derek at least understands me and loves me for who I am. I am not going to let this affect my night. Right, decision made, let's get ready for prom._

Derek arrived promptly at 7.00. He was never late for anything. He hesitantly rang the doorbell, unsure of whether Ellis would be home or not. Standing there thinking about what he and Meredith were going to be doing after prom, Derek didn't realise that someone had opened the door.

"Derek, are you coming in or are you going to stand there all night?" asked Richard, Meredith's step-father.

"Oh! Sorry Dr Webber, I was a million miles away" came Derek's startled reply.

"No problem son, come in. Meredith will be down shortly" Richard replied leading Derek into the house.

As Derek entered the lounge room, he noticed Ellis seated on the sofa."Good evening Dr Grey. How are you tonight?" he asked nervously.

"Fine, fine. Meredith are you ready? Derek is here" she called out all but dismissing Derek.

"I'll be right there Mom" came the muffled reply.

Derek stood there awkwardly waiting for Meredith to descend the stairs. Ellis had a way of making him nervous without ever actually saying anything. It was a look that she had. _I'd_ _hate to be one of her interns_, Derek thought to himself.

"Here she is Derek"

Derek turned toward the staircase to watch Meredith descend. As he looked at her his breath caught in his chest. She looked absolutely beautiful. Her hair hung down over her shoulders, slightly curled. She wore a simple black, floor length gown, that had a slightly plunging neckline. As she neared the bottom of the staircase, Derek walked over so that he could greet her. Reaching for her hand he leaned into her slightly and whispered in her ear, "You look absolutely stunning. No-one will hold a candle to you tonight"

Meredith's reply was to just simply smile and say "Thanks, you don't look so bad yourself"

As they turned to leave, Richard says "Drive carefully and have fun. Make sure you look after her Derek"

"I will Dr Webber, don't worry she's in good hands."

On arriving at the hall, Meredith paused before she made to exit the car. Turning to Derek she touched him lightly on the arm.

"Derek, just in case I forget to tell you later...I had a really good time tonight"

Smiling at her and leaning over to touch a light kiss to the tip of her nose Derek replies "Me too Meri"

Walking into the hall, they immediately spotted Mark and Addison standing by the refreshment table. They waved and began to weave their way through the crowd toward them.

As they stood there waiting for Derek and Meredith to make their way over to them, Mark leaned into Addison and said "They are perfect for each other aren't they Addi?"

Nodding her head in agreement, Addison turned to Mark, "Yes they are. I'm glad that Derek finally woke up and saw what was staring him in the face."

"What can I say? The guy can be a little thick at times Addi. Unlike a certain tall, good looking, slightly arrogant guy who knew that he was onto a good thing and was not going to risk it for anything in the world" came the slightly teasing reply.

Addison simply rolled her eyes in reply.

Out on the dance floor, Meredith and Derek were swaying slightly in time to the music.

"Have you had a good time tonight Meri?"

Startled out of her reverie, Meredith looked up at Derek. "Yes Derek, I've had a wonderful time. Everything has gone so smoothly, and Mark and Addi being crowned King and Queen has just topped it all off."

Meredith looked over at her friends, too wrapped up in each other to even notice that people were looking at them.

"Are we going to the party? Or would you rather that we went somewhere else?" Derek enquired while making small circles on her back.

"I want to go home first and get changed out of this dress and then we can go to the party if you like. What would you like to do Derek?"

Looking at her with a devilish grin, Derek replied "I'd rather go elsewhere. Just you and me. I'll take you home though so that you can change. Are you ready to go now? Or do you want to stay a bit longer?"

"I'm ready to go now. My feet are killing me in these heels" was Meredith's immediate reply.

They walked over to Mark and Addison hand in hand. Derek tapped Mark lightly on the shoulder.

"We're going man. Meri's feet are killing her and she want to change out of that dress. We'll see you guys tomorrow, OK?"

"Tomorrow? Aren't you going to the party at Karev's place?" Mark questioned

"Nah, we want to spend some time by ourselves. We'll catch up at the diner tomorrow for pizza or something OK?"

"OK, no worries. See you later then. Don't do anything I wouldn't do." Mark replied teasingly

"No problem. That gives me a lot of leeway then doesn't it?" Derek called over his shoulder as he and Meredith left the hall.

Returning to Meredith's they find the house in darkness. Meredith unlocked the house and they walked through to the kitchen. Once again there is a note on the table informing Meredith that Richard and Ellis are at the hospital and that they will see her tomorrow afternoon.

Upon reading that Derek and Meredith look at each other and as if by unspoken agreement they turn and walk up the stairs to Meredith's bedroom.

**A/N: So that was Chapter 2, hope you liked it. Please review and let me know your thoughts.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

**A/N: Sorry that it's been so long between updates. Life has been absolutely nuts of late. I also found this chapter really hard to write, this being my first fanfic and all. Anyways, enough of the excuses, have a read and see what you think.**

**Big thanks to Kaz for proofreading.**

Meredith and Derek are each lost in their own thoughts as they walk hand in hand up to her room.

_This has all worked out just too perfectly Derek thought as he walked along the corridor to Meredith's room. The anticipation of the moment to come had been building for some weeks now. And now they had the house to themselves and likely would for the rest of the night, and well_ _into tomorrow. _Derek and Meredith had been taking it slow. He hadn't wanted to rush her into anything that she wasn't ready for. He wanted her to look back at her first time as something that had taken place out of love and respect. Rather than just a right of passage that she felt that she had to get out of the way just so she wasn't the last one to do it.

_I can't believe that I'm about to do what I'm about to do. Don't get me wrong I want to, I do, it's just that this is my first time and well what if I'm crap? God, get a grip Meredith, you're with Derek as if it's going to be anything less than perfect! He's been patient and understanding not rushing you into anything that you weren't ready for. What more could you ask for in a boyfriend? Let's face it you know you want him to be your first, so suck it up and get it together!_ With that resolution made, Meredith plucked up the courage to glance in Derek's direction. They were outside her bedroom door. _This is it, it's now or never._ Smiling cautiously at Derek, she placed her hand on the handle of the door.

"Meredith" Derek said quietly as he placed his hand over hers, "Are you sure that you want to do this? I can quite easily turn around and let you go and get changed and we can go to the party at Karev's. You only have to say the word. There is no pressure, none at all."

Standing on tip toe to place a gentle kiss on his lips, Meredith smiled at him. Typical Derek, always worried about her and what her reaction to things would be. How did she get so lucky?

"Of course I'm sure Derek. I want this as much as you do, or I wouldn't be standing here with you right now. I would have left you at the bottom of the stairs waiting for me without a second thought." With that she turned back to the door and opened it walking in with Derek less than 2 steps behind her.

As she closed and locked the door, Meredith paused for a moment to catch her breath. _Ok, here we are, now what do I do? I'm really going to suck at this. Derek's never going to want to see me again after tonight. I better make the most of it. Oh God, Oh Crap, this is going to be really bad. _

While Meredith was waging an internal battle with herself that she had no hope of winning, Derek had walked up behind her. Wrapping his arms around her waist from behind, he gently moved her hair to the side and began to place gentle kisses along the back of her neckMoving along the back of her neck and across her shoulder he paused while he twisted her around so that she now faced him.

"Meri" he murmured

"Mmmmmmmmmm" came the dreamy reply

"I'm only going to ask this once more. Are you sure? You seem a little hesitant, and while I can understand that, let me assure you that you have absolutely nothing to worry about."

Looking Derek straight in the eye Meredith replied "I'm absolutely certain of this Derek. I want to be with you, I want you to be my first. I'm just a little scared. After all, you know what you are doing, I'm a little less experienced in this. I just don't want you to be disappointed."

Derek simply stood there shaking his head, slightly baffled at her response. "Disappointed? Why on earth would I be disappointed? I'm honoured that you want me to be your first. That's a big deal. Yes, I might be a little more experienced than you, but Meredith, none of those girls meant anything near as much to me as you do. I love you and I want this to be perfect for you so that you don't have any regrets about your first time."

Leading her over to the bed, Derek pulled Meredith to him. Reaching to the back of her dress he slowly pulled the zipper down. Raising his hands to brush the straps from her shoulders his hands skimmed down her arms allowing the dress to fall to the ground.

Feeling the need to touch Derek, Meredith began to tug at the waist of his pants to free his shirt. Frustrated at her slow progress with the buttons, Derek placed his hand over hers to still her ministrations. Worried that she had done something wrong she looked up at him enquiringly.

"Let me do it Meri. You're killing me," was his reply to her silent question as he undid the last button and removed his shirt.

Guiding her down to sit on the bed, he reached out to brush her cheek lightly with the pads of his fingers. The gentle touch was incredibly arousing.

He blew on the vulnerable spot behind her ear, before he proceeded to give it a leisurely bath with his tongue. The warmth of his breath sent ribbons of heat streaming to her core.

"Meri, you taste so good"

Meredith wanted to reply, but when she opened her mouth all she could do was gasp. They had barely begun and already she was in danger of being swept away. Needing an anchor, she grasped his thigh. Feeling his muscles constrict then relax Meredith realised that Derek was as affected by her as she was by him. Meredith looked up at him with a dreamy smile on her face.

Smiling back at her Derek continued to make small circles on the small of her back.

"What does that look mean Meri?"

"Nothing, please kiss me Derek. Really kiss me."

"Your wish is my command," he muttered just before his mouth collided with hers.

The kiss was long, wet and wild leaving Meri's lips bruised and her heart thundering. The need for air finally forced Derek to wrench his mouth away.

Meri now found herself shifted onto Derek's lap and positioned to face him with her legs cradling the outside of his.

Derek's hands began a slow climb from her waist upwards, skimming lightly over each rib and coming to rest before reaching her breasts. Meredith arched into him, silently begging him to free her from the heaviness he'd created there. Understanding her needs as if they had done this a thousand times before, Derek reached up and cupped her breasts in his hands, lowering his mouth to gently suckle first one nipple then the other. The feelings that this invoked in Meredith were so intense that she released a wanton cry before she could swallow it. Derek matched this sound with a hungry groan of his own.

Lying back on the bed he pulled Meredith down with him. Running his hands up her back, then back in the opposite direction over her buttocks Derek elicited more moans from Meredith.

"Meri, baby, I want you so bad I'm aching."

"I want you too Derek. I've been thinking about this for weeks."

Rolling her over onto her back he moved her up the bed to prop her against the pillows that were piled up there. Leaning in to capture her mouth in a passionate kiss, Derek placed small kisses along her neck and across her collarbone. He began following an imaginary trail back across her chest to the valley between her breasts. Removing her bra in one deft movement Derek's tongue flicked and circled the peak until satisfied with the hardness and shape he moved onto the other nipple paying it the same amount of intense attention. Happy with his work at the top of her body he began to blaze a trail down her abdomen, pausing to circle her belly button with his tongue, before continuing along his way. When he reached her pantyline he paused only long enough to remove her black satin panties. Never missing a beat he continued to place kisses along the top of her thigh working his way down to her ankle before making the return journey, this time on the inside of her leg.

Meredith was in awe of the feelings that were overwhelming her. She had never experienced anything like this in her life. It was the sweetest form of torture.

"Derek please," she gasped breathlessly.

"Please what Meri?" he replied teasingly as he ran his fingers between her legs, then probed gently and found her damp and sleek. Ready.

"Let me..." she began before he silenced her with a breathtaking kiss.

"No Meri, tonight is about you. All for you."

"Not without you. I want to share this with you."

"OK, just give me a second. I'm a little over dressed at the moment," his control was just about at breaking point. He quickly stood and removed his pants, pausing only to take care of protection.

Moving back over to the bed, he began to lower himself over Meredith. Looking down at her lovingly to ensure that she was ready. He knew that the first time for a girl could be uncomfortable and he would do everything in his power to ensure that she got as much from it as he knew he would.

"Derek, please don't look at me with the question in your eyes. This is what I want, I am more than ready to take this next step with you."

With her confirmation ringing in his ears he entered her in one fluid movement, pausing ever so slightly to ensure that everything was OK. As he entered her and began to move inside her, Meredith gasped, not from the discomfort, but from the ripples of pleasure that were beginning to engulf her.

Invaded. Possessed. Nothing had prepared her for the intense feelings that arose in her as they rocked back and forth.

"Dear god, Meredith you feel so good. I love being inside you. I never want to let you go," Derek rasped.

"Oh God Derek! Oh God!" Meredith moaned as she felt herself caught up in a wave of such pleasure that pushed her higher and higher.

"Come with me Meri,"

"Yes Derek, yes!!" she cried. Her body racked with one convulsive spasm after another. Leaving her unable to do anything but hang onto Derek and surrender as she gloried in the power of his release.

As they lay facing each other Meredith sighed in contentment.

Derek placed his palm on her cheek and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

"I love you Meredith Grey. I can't imagine my life without you."

Gazing up at him Meredith smiled. "I love you too Derek Shepherd, more than mere words can express. I'll hold this night in my heart forever."

Meredith just hoped that he would understand about the secret that she had been keeping from him for a week. That thought was the only thing had put a downer on her night. But she would worry about his reaction to that piece of information tomorrow. Right now she had bigger things to occupy her.

"I do believe that it's my turn to have some fun at your expense Derek. Are you up for it?"

Smiling at her in his dreamy manner Derek simply replied "Give it your best shot Grey!"

**A/N: Well that was chapter 3, I hope you liked it. Let me know what you think. Constructive criticism it definitely welcome.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks to all of you who are reading and reviewing this story. This chapter is a little longer than the previous ones, but I needed to do it to set-up for the coming chapters. I hope you all enjoy this chapter.**

**Big thanks to Kaz for proof reading and keeping me motivated.**

It was the day before the wedding. Meredith and Addison had just had their last dress fitting to make sure that everything was perfect. Of course it would be Addi had left nothing to chance. The rehearsal dinner was tonight. Meredith was a little nervous, this would be the first time that she had laid eyes on Derek in eight years. For all the visits that she had made home, Derek had either been away or working. Meredith believed at the time that this had been for the best, but now she wasn't so sure. Maybe if she had seen him since the breakup then she wouldn't be this nervous. She was still at a loss as to why it was effecting her in this way. She was engaged to be married herself.

This wedding must have her all wound up. No, it wasn't the wedding. It was the prospect of seeing Derek again after so long. _How are you going to handle it Meredith?_ She asked herself._ Like I handle any other challenge that I face! With grace and dignity. I am a confident, independent, successful woman - not the innocent, self-conscious young girl that left all those years ago, _she told herself.

Meredith knew that it was going to be a long night for her. Being in the same room as Derek was going to be interesting - to say the least! Considering that they hadn't spoken in eight years she wasn't sure what to expect - she was hoping that for Addi and Mark's sake that they could be civil to one another.

Pulling up out the front of the church Meredith saw Derek immediately. She sucked in a long breath. Lord he looked good, he hadn't changed in eight years. If anything he had gotten better looking - if that was even possible. He was a man now, not the boy that she had left. Standing there talking to Mark he seemed unaware that she had pulled up. _Good! _She thought to herself. She took the opportunity to take a good long look at him. He epitomised the expression tall, dark and handsome. Derek stood head and shoulders above the other men that were standing there. He wore his dark hair a little longer than he had when they were together. The longer style suited him, made him look sophisticated. That stood to reason though, Addi had told her that he lived in New York now.

He was wearing a casual button up shirt, which did little to hide the muscled chest and abdomen that were concealed beneath it. His arms were more defined than she remembered - he had obviously been working out. Meredith shivered involuntarily as she thought about what it would feel like to be enveloped in those arms. Her eyes traveled down the length of his body. Smiling to herself, he was a fine specimen. The jeans that he wore hugged his toned legs in all the right places.

Bringing her eyes back to his face Meredith realised that he was looking in her direction. Darn! She hoped that he hadn't seen her looking him up and down. Oh well, she thought to herself, here goes nothing. Taking a deep, calming breath, Meredith exited the car and started across the lawn toward the church . . . and Derek.

Watching her get out of the car Derek took a deep breath. He felt his heartbeat increase. Damn! But she was still gorgeous. _How could she still have this effect on him? _He wondered to himself. Derek was aware of her presence the moment that she pulled up out the front of the church. _It's amazing, _he thought to himself, _I still feel her presence immediately after all these years. _

These last 8 years Meredith had really come into her own. Oh, don't get me wrong, she was always beautiful, but now as a woman she was breathtaking. She was wearing a flirty summer dress that was green in colour. Not just any shade of green though, sea green, the exact colour of her eyes if he remembered correctly. Which he did, he remembered everything about her.

The dress was a strappy little number that showed off her bare shoulders, cinched in at the waist and then flared out ending just above the knee. Derek's eyes roamed appreciatively over her as she walked toward him. Her hair was upswept, showing off her beautiful neck. He had always loved her neck. He thought back to all the times that he had showered little kisses from the point just below her ear, down her neck and across her collarbone. He smiled as he remembered how she would shiver with delight each and every time he did it.

_What's wrong with you Shepherd? _His mind screamed at him. _You're not a teenager anymore. She shouldn't have this hold over you! You are over her! Remember? Yes I remember, but there's nothing wrong with appreciating a beautiful woman is there? _He thought to himself.

Meredith focused on Derek as she walked toward the group that was gathered in front of the church. _Deep breath Grey, _she instructed herself. _You can do this. Yeah right! Just get it over with_ she thought to herself as she walked over to Derek.

"Derek! It's so nice to see you again" she stated with forced excitement as she leaned in to brush his cheek in greeting.

"Hello Meredith. It's lovely to see you too" he replied as he took her hands in his and leaned toward her.

_This wasn't a very good idea Meredith. _She mentally scolded herself.

_What do you think you are doing Shepherd? _He chided himself.

Kisses exchanged they stepped back from one another. Although Derek still had hold of Meredith's hands. Trying to gather her thoughts Meredith looked up, straight into Derek's eyes. A look of shock passed between them. _What just happened? _They seemed to ask one another.

Polite greetings out of the way, Derek tried to gather his thoughts. Turning toward Mark he said "C'mon let's get this show on the road. We've got a dinner booking to get to."

"Right you are Derek. Addi? Are you ready to do this?" Mark asked looking over at his fiancee.

"Yes. Let's go" she replied. Having watched the exchange between Meredith and Derek with obvious interest. Addi looked over at her friend.

"Are you OK Meredith? You look a little pale." She asked worriedly.

"I'm fine Addi. I was just a little nervous at seeing Derek again, that's all. I'm fine now that it's out of the way" Meredith replied waving her hand dismissively. "Let's get this over and done with so that we can get to dinner."

"Okay then. Let's go. I have to say though it went better than I thought it would." Addi said as she turned to walk into the church.

_What was that emotion that she had seen in his eyes briefly, before he had regained his composure and dropped her hands? It couldn't have been desire _Meredith thought, as she followed Addi into the church._You're reading far too much into a touch of the hands and a brief kiss on the cheek, so brief in fact that it could hardly even be called a kiss! No it was just the result of all the crazy emotions that you have been feeling this week. Derek and you were over long ago. There is no way that you could have felt what you thought you did. It's been eight years for goodness sakes! Feelings like that don't last for that long without any encouragement. _Having argued the point with herself Meredith felt a lot better as her, Addi and the other bridesmaids lined up to walk down the aisle.

Derek was standing in his designated place, to the right-hand side of the groom, facing down the aisle, waiting for the bride and bridesmaids to appear. _What on earth happened back_ _there? _He asked himself._ It was a perfunctory kiss on the cheek. Something that you've done a million times over to greet numerous other women that you know. Hell you do it to Addi every time that you catch up with her and Mark and it doesn't have this effect. So why was this one different? _He asked himself. Because it was Meredith. Meredith made everything different. It was no longer just a brief brushing of the lips across the cheek. It meant so much more. He'd felt the old chemistry that they'd had flare up and he was quite certain that she had felt it too. If she hadn't then why had, she looked at him with that odd look in her eyes? How was that possible though? She had left him eight years before, surely they couldn't still have feelings for one another, it was too long ago. They had both moved on . . . hadn't they?

Walking up the aisle, Meredith stole a glance at Derek. She couldn't wait for this wedding to be over. She needed to be as far away from Derek Shepherd as she could. He confused her. _Just figuring this out now are you? _She thought to herself. _I should have known that this wasn't going to work. Maybe if Flynn was here, it would be easier. How? I'd have him to concentrate on and I wouldn't be thinking about Derek _she argued. _You shouldn't need Flynn here to remind you that he exists and that you are engaged. If it was meant to be then he should be at the forefront of your mind, not just to be brought out when you need something to distract you from thinking about Derek, _she silently admonished herself.

She could vaguely hear the minister talking everyone through the steps of what they would need to do. Concentrate. That's what I need to do. Concentrate on what I have to do tomorrow and that will take my mind off Derek and the effect that his presence is having on me.

Driving to the restaurant Meredith listened to Addi chatter excitedly about the wedding. Listening to Addi talk saved Meredith from really thinking about her reaction to Derek. She knew that avoiding the issue wasn't going to resolve anything, but she didn't feel up to dealing with the deep and meaningfuls of the situation at the moment. She had to prepare herself to sit through a meal with him something that she wasn't looking forward to at all.

"Derek looks good doesn't he Meredith?" Addison asked innocently.

At the mention of Derek's name Meredith turned toward Addi.

"Sorry Addi. What was that? I was miles away." Meredith replied.

"I said Derek looks good doesn't he?" Addi repeated. Knowing exactly what or should she say whom her friend was thinking about.

"I suppose so." Meredith admitted begrudgingly.

Thinking to herself that he looked more than good. All she could think about was running her fingers through his hair and kissing those lips.

_What was she thinking? _She shouldn't be thinking those things about Derek. It wasn't right. 8 years was a long time and more than enough for her to be over him, but he did seem to effect her on the deepest level. He had aroused feelings in her that she had thought were dead long ago. _Oh well, _she thought to herself,_ you'll just have to deal with it, this is not about you._

Pulling up out the front of the restaurant, Meredith turned again to Addi.

"I'm sorry if I've been a little preoccupied this afternoon. I guess seeing Derek again has rattled me more than I thought that it would."

"Meri, you've nothing to apologise for. I expected that you would react this way to seeing him again. That's why I asked you if you were Okay with him being Mark's best man. I was worried about what it would do to you." Addi replied with concern in her voice.

"Who would have thought that he would still be able to make my heart race just by smiling at me? I certainly thought that I was well and truly over him that he would have absolutely no effect on me. Guess I don't know myself as well as I thought that I did, huh?" Meredith replied.

Taking a deep breath she looked out the window and around the car park of the restaurant, looking back over at Addi she asked "What am I going to do Addi? I've figured out from our brief meeting this afternoon that just being around him effects me so profoundly that I can't think straight. I can't behave like this for the next two days. I need to get a grip and not let anybody see the effect that he is having on me. I'm engaged for goodness sakes!"

Addi clasped Meredith's hands in hers, looking her straight in the eye she said, "I know that this isn't what you want to hear, but as your best friend I am obliged to say it. Maybe this is

the best thing that could have happened. You obviously have unresolved feelings for Derek. You need to think about what has been happening since you got home, how you have been feeling about everything. And most of all what you think that it is that you feel for Derek. Nothing would make me happier than to see you married to Flynn, he is a fantastic man. But is he the right one for you?"

Meredith looked at Addison with shock in her eyes. She was about to deny the comment about the unresolved feelings when Addi shushed her.

"Let's go inside, have a nice dinner, enjoy the company and when we get back to my place we can go through this again at length. Just think about what I said Meri."

Knowing that her friend had only her best interests at heart, Meredith smiled.

"Come on then. Let's go inside and eat."

Walking over to the entrance to the restaurant, Meredith decided that her friend was right. She needed to decide what it was that she wanted, but first she had to get Addison married.

Pushing open the door of the restaurant Meredith and Addi walked in. After being escorted to their table they sat and waited for the rest of the party to arrive.

The waiter had just poured them a glass of wine when Mark walked over to the table.

"Where's Derek?" enquired Addison.

"He's just parking the car. They'll be here in just a minute." Mark replied, dropping a kiss on his bride-to-be's lips.

Meredith's attention turned to the door. She knew that Derek was going to enter any moment and she steeled herself for her reaction. Nothing could have prepared her for what she saw when the restaurant door opened. There was Derek and on his arm was another woman! Looking over at Addi with shock clearly showing Meredith inclined her head as if to say "Who's that?!"

Addison shrugged helplessly, she had no idea who that was on Derek's arm. He hadn't mentioned that he was bringing a date to the dinner, or the wedding for that matter. If he had she certainly wouldn't have given Meredith that little pep talk out in the car.

Meredith couldn't take her eyes off Derek as he walked across the room to the table where they would all be seated. The woman had her hand placed possessively on his arm, and a sickly sweet smile pasted on her face. Meredith didn't know who she was, but she had already decided that she didn't like her.

Derek was standing in front of the table. By this stage he had his arm draped around his companion's waist, drawing her in close. Walking over to where Addi and Mark sat Derek introduced her as Rose, his current girlfriend. He apologised to Addi in the process for not letting her know that he would be bringing a date with him to the dinner and also the wedding. Derek explained his lack of manners by stating "Rose only just got back from Los Angeles. She had a family emergency and we didn't think that she would be back in time to attend. But everything has been sorted out, so here she is. I hope that it isn't going to cause any problems with the seating arrangements etc. Addi?" giving her the McDreamy smile that had charmed many a woman into doing whatever he wanted.

"No Derek, it's fine. I'll fit her in at the table that our families are sitting at. After all, you're practically family, so that's where she should sit." Addison replied, looking worriedly over at Meredith to see what her reaction was to this latest revelation.

"Thanks Addi, you're the best. Mark sure is a lucky guy!" Derek said using the charm that he had perfected over the years.

Looking over at Meredith, Derek smiled.

"Meredith, this is Rose. Rose, this is Meredith. Meredith and Addi are best friends. Actually we've all been friends since high school." Derek said as he made the introduction.

Meredith stood up, and thrust her hand forward to shake Rose's hand.

"Hi Rose, pleased to meet you. Any friend of Derek's is a friend of ours." Meredith replied sweetly as she glared at Derek.

"Thanks Meredith," replied Rose, that smile still pasted on her face. "I was so worried about meeting Dekkie's friends. But now I realise that I had nothing at all to worry about."

"You shouldn't have been worried Rose. _Dekkie_ should have told you that we don't bite." Meredith said sarcastically.

Excusing herself to go to the ladies room, Meredith left the table. Addi followed swiftly behind her. Once in the restroom, Meredith threw her handbag onto the counter. Looking at herself in the mirror, she shook her head at her own stupidity. While she was remonstrating herself for being so stupid, as to think that after eight years that he would still be available and have feelings for her, Addi walked in.

"Are you Okay Meri?" Addison asked.

"I'm fine Addi. Just feeling a little stupid that I actually thought that he still had feelings for me! Talk about reading too much into a brush on the cheek." She said on the verge of tears.

"Who does he think he is? Waltzing in here with a waif on his arm! She looks as though she would snap in two if you grabbed her too hard. He didn't even RSVP for her, yet he thinks that he can just flash that stunningly white smile and all is forgiven. Well I'm afraid that the Shepherd charm doesn't work on me anymore!"Meredith ranted.

"I'm so sorry Meredith. If I had known that Derek was bringing a date I would never have said anything to you in the car about your feelings for him. I could wring his neck for springing this on me, and wait until I get Mark alone, he's going to cop it as well! I've had those seating plans in place for months, now I have to go and make room at the family table so that she can fit in. Not that it will be too much of a problem, it's not like she'll take up too much room!" Addi said as she looked at her friend's reflection in the mirror.

Taking a deep breath and retouching her make-up Meredith looked over at Addison.

"Let's go back out there and get this over with so that we can just go home. I'm suddenly very tired and we are going to have a huge day tomorrow."

"OK, let's go." Addi replied, reassured that Meredith was going to be Okay. Mark was going to be in so much trouble when she got him alone. Men! She thought to herself as they walked back to their table.

Sitting across from Derek and his date for the duration of the meal was pure torture for Meredith. Watching him sitting there with his current squeeze was almost more than she could take. But she had decided that she would show him that she was immune to his charms by smiling sweetly whenever he made a comment and engaging Rose in the conversation.

Addi and she had shared a few glances throughout dinner and she knew that they would discuss this endlessly when they got back to her place.

Meredith wondered to herself what Derek saw in Rose, she didn't fit with the usual type of girl that he dated. Then again what did she know? She hadn't seen or spoken to Derek in eight years, obviously his taste in women these days ran to the complete opposite of what she herself represented. Rose was as tall as Derek himself, extremely thin and exquisitely beautiful and she would be perfectly at home in Derek's world. Meredith couldn't hope to compare on any level.

Maybe it was just as well that Derek had brought a date with him, at least now she wouldn't make a fool of herself revealing her feelings to Derek and make him feel uncomfortable in her presence.

Looking up from her meal she caught Derek looking at her. Her breath caught at the look in his eyes, it was the same intense look that she had seen that afternoon after they had exchanged kisses at the front of the church. Meredith could feel herself colouring under his close scrutiny. Returning his direct gaze, Meredith wondered what thoughts were going through his mind and if he could somehow read her thoughts? She sincerely hoped not, because then he would know that despite her best efforts she couldn't deny the feelings that he evoked in her. She realised then that the next day and a half were going to be the hardest that she had endured since leaving him all those years ago.

Looking over at Meredith, Derek wondered what she was thinking. He realised now that bringing Rose with him had been a bad idea. He had seen the look of hurt on Meredith's face when he had introduced Rose as his girlfriend. Although if he were truthful, he would admit that bringing her had been a little selfish on his part. He had wanted to show Meredith that he had moved on, that he hadn't been pining over her for the last eight years. _Who was he kidding? _He had compared every relationship that he'd had in the last eight years with Meredith and none of the girls had stacked up.

Deciding that he had to find a way to deal with the sexual tension that he could feel between himself and Meredith, he stood and walked around to where she was seated.

Meredith's eyes widened as she watched Derek walk around to where she was seated. What on earth was he doing? Panicking she looked over at Addi. Addison just shrugged with a questioning look in her eyes.

Placing one hand on the table and the other on the back of her chair Derek leaned over to speak to her.

"Meredith, could we go outside? I'd like to speak to you about tomorrow." Derek asked quietly.

Taking a deep breath Meredith looked Derek straight in the eye and gave him a sweet smile.

"Of course Derek." Meredith replied rising from her seat. Looking back over her shoulder at Addi as she walked to the door with Derek, she saw her friend give her a reassuring smile.

Once outside, Meredith and Derek walked silently over to one of the outside tables as if by mutual agreement. Sitting opposite each other they sat silently as if each was waiting for the other to start. Finally Derek decided that he should be the one to start, he did ask Meredith to come outside to talk after all.

"Meredith, I wanted to speak to you to make sure that everything is going to be OK between us tomorrow. I know that this isn't easy for either one of us, but I hope that we are adult enough not to let our feelings get in the way of Addi and Mark's day tomorrow."

Looking at him with disbelief in her eyes, Meredith counted silently to ten before replying.

"Of course everything is fine between us Derek. I can't believe that you would even think that I would allow my feelings to interfere with Addi's wedding. We were over long ago. We've both moved on with other people. There is absolutely no reason why we shouldn't be able to behave as is expected of us."

Sighing deeply Derek shook his head at the tone of her voice.

"I fully realise that we were over long ago Meredith, a decision that you made might I add. I simply wanted to clear the air, especially considering your reaction to me this afternoon at the church," Derek replied evenly.

Meredith couldn't believe her ears. The arrogance of the man! Her reaction to him indeed. Okay, so maybe she was a little transparent in her appreciation of how much he had changed since she had last seen him, but that didn't give him the right to think that she wouldn't be able to restrain herself.

"For your information Derek, my reaction to you this afternoon wasn't one of desire. It was one of surprise. I had been mentally preparing myself for weeks about seeing you again after so long, especially given the fact that we didn't part on the best of terms. I was simply surprised that I felt no bitterness or anger toward you at all."

Watching the expression on his face change from smugness to anger, Meredith felt triumphant. Deciding that the conversation was over Meredith stood to leave.

Before departing she turned to Derek and said, "If I was you Derek, I would have a good look at myself and think deeply about how I felt. After all, you're the one who brought a date that conveniently you had forgotten all about this afternoon. I'll see you tomorrow."

Walking away Meredith took a deep breath. I can't believe I said that, she thought to herself. I shouldn't have mentioned Rose, now he'll think that I'm jealous. _Well he'd be right, wouldn't he? _Asked that pesky little voice that appeared at the worst possible moments. Walking back into the restaurant to collect Addi, Meredith wondered how on earth she was ever going to get through tomorrow without letting Derek know just how deeply he effected her.

**A/N: So that was chapter 4. Hope you enjoyed. Please let me know what you think.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**A/N: Thanks to all of you who are reading this story. I hope that you enjoy this latest chapter. It's a bit of a mixed bag as far as emotions go.**

**Big thanks as always to Kaz for proofreading, you're a gem. **

Meredith awoke first the next morning, surprised at how natural it felt to lay next to Derek. She smiled inwardly at the thought of them making love the previous night. She was glad that she had waited and given herself to Derek, she couldn't imagine doing such things with anyone else. Derek was so patient and understanding when she was hesitant and she loved him all the more for it.

Looking over at him still asleep she still couldn't believe that in a few short weeks she would be leaving him to go to College half-way around the world. She hadn't told him yet. She knew that she had to tell him today, but wanted to enjoy their new found intimacy a little longer.

Meredith rose and tiptoed to the bathroom, to inspect the damage that she knew must be there. She had to admit, that things had gotten a little out of hand at one stage or another throughout the night. Looking at herself in the vanity mirror she found that there were faint bruises on her hips, and a very purple love bite on her neck.

Meredith reached up to touch it and was surprised when it didn't hurt much, but very grateful that she had long hair that would cover that little bit of evidence - if Ellis saw that all hell would break loose! Her clothes would take care of the rest. Meredith rather liked the fact that Derek had left his 'mark' on her.

Walking back to the bed, she grabbed her jeans, t-shirt and some fresh underwear. Sitting next to Derek she leaned over and placed a kiss on his lips to wake him up.

"Morning sleepy head" she said teasingly.

"Who you calling sleepy head? You not long got up yourself. I was all nice and snug, then someone got up and I had a cold patch." he grumbled

"Sorry about that chief, but we had to get up eventually. I'm hungry, that's what woke me up. I need food, I'm sure that there's some left over pizza or something in the fridge that we could eat for breakfast." Rising off the bed, she proceeded to get dressed.

"Meredith, you can't be serious? We can't eat that crap for breakfast! Cold Pizza is not breakfast food." he grumbled again, with his eyes still closed.

"We'll have this argument downstairs. While you are getting dressed, I'll go and check to make sure that the coast is clear. C'mon up you get."

"Okay, Okay. I'm coming. I want you to come here first though." he said reaching for her.

As she moved back over to the bed, Derek grabbed her hands and pulled her down on top of him. Squealing as she fell, she began to laugh.

"Derek what are you doing? We have to get up."

"I know Meredith, but do you call that a good morning kiss? After last night I expected so much more of you!" he replied jokingly.

"You expected more did you? Well I wouldn't want to disappoint now would I?" she retorted.

Derek pulled her in close, taking her mouth in passionate possession. His mouth moved over hers, the kiss deep and hungry, flooding her with waves of desire, so hot, so strong that she thought that she might spontaneously combust from the heat. Meredith couldn't get enough of his mouth, but especially his tongue. Each time it invaded her mouth, she wanted to keep it there, prisoner of her own desire.

Derek finally broke the kiss, leaving Meredith immediately bereft. She looked down at him questioningly, her eyes dark with wanting. Derek pressed his lips to hers again in a brief, but firm kiss.

"Now that's what I call a good morning kiss. I think that I should get up now, don't you?"

"Yes, yes, of course" Meredith stammered still a little shocked at the abrupt ending to their kiss.

"Meredith, there is nothing I would like better than to spend the day in bed, making glorious love to you, but I don't think that your mother would appreciate it if she came up here and found her daughter in bed with her boyfriend. Do you?" Derek asked.

"No, I guess you are right. Just for the record, I'd like nothing better either. You get dressed and I'll go and make sure that the coast is clear."

Making her way downstairs with a spring in her ste, Meredith realised that her mother and Richard hadn't come home the previous night. _Must have been a big night _she thought to herself as she made her way to the fridge to get a piece of pizza while she waited for Derek.

Turning at the sound of Derek approaching she smiled, the last 24 hrs had been better than she could have ever imagined. Despite all the happiness that she was feeling, she knew that later that day things would be dramatically different. Derek came to a halt in the doorway of the kitchen, staring at her in disbelief, he shook his head.

"I can't believe that you are eating cold pizza for breakfast. That's wrong Meredith, on so many levels."

"Yeah, yeah. I needed to eat something while I was waiting for you to style your hair!!" she replied sarcastically.

"C'mon we'll go and get some breakfast from the diner and see what Mark and Addi are up to today. Maybe we could get a few of us together and have a game and lunch down the park. It's a beautiful day, we should make the most of it. Soon enough we'll be back in school."

Meredith groaned inwardly, knowing that he had just given her a golden opportunity to come clean, but she delayed the inevitable yet again.

"That sounds like a great idea. Let's do it."

"Have you told him yet about Oxford?" Addison asked as she and Meredith sat watching the guys play football.

"No, I keep putting it off, and I know I shouldn't. But Addi, things are so perfect at the moment. Last night was absolutely amazing, more than I even thought it could be, I just want to make the most of it while it lasts." Meredith replied.

"That's all well and good Meredith, but you have to tell him eventually. Are you going to wait until you are leaving to go to the airport? That's not fair, and so not like you. Derek will understand why you are going. He might be upset to start with, but he'll get over it. He's reasonable and only wants what's best for you. You know that."

"I know Addi, but I just can't bring myself to voice it. It's not like I haven't had the opportunity to tell him. I'm a coward, it's as simple as that. I can't tell him that I'm going to the other side of the world for god knows how long, when for the last 2 years all we've talked about is how great it was going to be when we went to College. We had it all planned you know that. Now I'm going to ruin it. Upset? I think that's an understatement!"

Meredith was now on the verge of tears. _What was she doing? _Essentially she was throwing away the only relationship in her life that made any sense (apart from her friendship with Addi). Derek was the most important person in her world and in a month she was leaving him. _Was she insane? _Some might say certifiable. But her mother had convinced her that this was a fantastic opportunity and that she shouldn't throw these sort of chances away on a man (or boy as she had called him).

"You have to tell him Meredith, and soon. Otherwise the guilt is going to eat you up and then he'll know that something's up and it will be all the worse because you haven't told him."

Addison, she was going to miss her good sense so much when she was away. Who would tell her when she's being an idiot?

"I know, but I'm not doing it when there is a bunch of people around. I'll tell him later this afternoon when it's just him and me. I think that it will be better that way. Then again, if there's an audience, at least he can't kill me..." Meredith joked, trying unsuccessfully to lighten the moment.

Addison leaned over and enveloped Meredith in a bear hug.

"Just remember Meredith, he loves you. You don't have to be Einstein to figure that out. He might yell and scream, but that's only because he's hurting. He will get over it and you guys will get through this. People have successful long distance relationships all the time."

Meredith knew that Addison was trying to reassure her, but Meredith wasn't so sure that everything was going to be so rosy. Lost in her own thoughts, Meredith didn't realise that the boys had finished their football game and everyone was leaving.

"Meri, are you ready to go? I'm starved and thought we might go grab some dinner with Mark and Addi. What do you think?" Derek asked

"Sorry Derek, I was in my own little world. Dinner sounds nice, but I think that Addi had plans with Mark - just the two of them if you know what I mean. Maybe we should just go grab something ourselves." Meredith suggested.

"Oh! Okay. Anything in particular? We can have anything but Pizza. That's my only stipulation."

"How does Chinese sound?" she questioned.

"Great! We'll go to your place, order in and watch a couple of movies. Unless of course you have other plans?" he said, winking at her suggestively.

"Derek Shepherd! Is that all you can think about now? I'm hungry, food first, then we'll see what happens."

"See you guys tomorrow. Don't do anything we wouldn't do Shep!" teased Mark, ever the smartass.

"Well that gives me a lot of scope now doesn't it?" Derek replied.

"I'll ring you tomorrow Meri, good luck and remember what I said." Addison and Meredith embraced briefly.

"Thanks Addi, I will."

Derek reached for Meredith's hand as they walked back toward the car. Something was up with her, she'd been in a funny mood all day. He just wished that she would tell him what was up. If he'd done something wrong he couldn't fix it if she wouldn't talk to him.

"Meredith, is everything alright? You've been a little off all day. You aren't having second thoughts about what happened last night are you? Or are you worried about what my expectations are now?" Derek enquired worriedly.

"No Derek. I'm not regretting what we did or worried about what you expect. If I wasn't comfortable with what was happening I know that it wouldn't have happened."

"There's something wrong. I know it. You aren't normally this quiet and then Addi wished you luck before she left. What was that about?"

"Nothing, it's Okay. Let's just go home."

"No Meredith, we are not leaving until you tell me what's wrong. You're worrying me now. You are never like this unless there's something up. Now spill it!" Derek demanded.

Angrily Meredith ripped her hand out of his. She turned to face him, knowing that it could all be over right here, right now.

"Okay, I'll tell you what's wrong with me. But first you need to know this: I love you Derek Shepherd, you are the most important person to me in the world - even more important than Addison and you know that's saying something. I would never in my life do anything intentionally to hurt you. I can't imagine my life without you - "

"I know, I love you too Meredith, you have to know that - " Derek interrupted.

"Derek, please let me finish. This is hard enough." she paused to take a steadying breath.

"What's hard enough? Meredith what's going on?"

"Derek! Let me finish. I need to tell you this. I've been keeping something from you and it's not right. I'm not going to NYCU with you. I applied to Oxford and got in. Mom thought that it would be good for me to get some perspective and independence. It's a great opportunity for me, I could learn so much. They only take a few international students a year and I got in. I'm sure only because of who my mother is, but nevertheless, I've been accepted." Meredith supplied this information as she usually did, talking 100 miles an hour so that she was barely understood.

Derek stood there simply dumbfounded. He had no words. Usually very smooth and articulate, words failed him this time.

"Derek, did you hear me? I'm not going to NYCU - " she began to explain again, slower this time so that he might take it all in.

"I heard you, but I'm not sure that I heard you correctly, because I'm sure that I heard you say that you aren't going to NYCU with Me. But that can't be right, because we've been planning this for 2 years. I can't have heard you right, because if I did that means that you are going to Oxford University which is half a damn world away! I must have been mistaken, you couldn't have said that." Still clearly dumbfounded by her earlier outburst, he just looked at her.

"Meredith...Oh my god! You are going to Oxford. I wasn't mistaken. This is just fantastic, bloody fantastic. Congratulations Meredith." he said his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Oh thank god, your not angry with me. Addi said that you'd be Okay with it, that you only wanted what was best for me. I'm so glad that you understand that I need to do this." She said happily, launching herself into his arms.

Derek caught her, but more as a reflex action than intent to capture her in an embrace. Putting her apart from him, he simply looked down at her and shook his head.

"What? Derek?"

"You misunderstood me. I was being sarcastic. How could I be happy about something that means I'm not going to get too see my girlfriend? How are we supposed to have a relationship? You are going to be on the other side of the world. I can't believe that you would do this to us. You say that I am the most important person in your life, yet you're moving half a world away from me. Understand? No Meredith I don't understand. I don't understand anything about this. Why do you think this is a good idea? Your mother never takes any interest in what you do yet, now she wants you to go halfway around the world to go to Med school, when we have great schools right here in America. I don't understand Meredith, not at all. How long have you known about this?" He demanded

"I've known for about a month. I told Addi 2 weeks ago. She's happy for me. Why can't you be? I expected more of you Derek. I thought that you would support me in whatever I wanted to do. I realise now that rule only applies if it falls in with your plans. I thought that we would be able to find a way to work this out. People have long distance relationships all the time, but apparently that isn't what you want." Meredith was crying now.

Derek didn't like to see her upset, but she was ripping his heart out. He couldn't console her when he was hurting just as much. She'd had weeks to get used to the idea of leaving him, but she expected him to find out and just run with it? He knew that he was being unfair and callous and selfish, but Meredith was important to him and they'd had plans, now she had gone and ruined everything.

"Meredith, we had plans. Plans that we made together with Mark and Addi. When on earth are we supposed to see each other? You know what Med school schedules are like. We'd barely see each other if we were in the same zip code, but another continent on the other side of the world? Seriously, it couldn't be done. Isn't there anything that I can say to change your mind?" he pleaded with her, his eyes filling with tears.

"I can't believe that you would even ask me to do it, let alone expect me to! I'm one of only a few each year. Did you hear that Derek? I'm privliged to be given this opportunity and I'm not about to give it all up. If the shoe was on the other foot, I wouldn't dream of asking you to give it up. I'd be upset, no doubting that, but I wouldn't ask you to give it all up for me. That's just plain selfish Derek."

"Privliged? Yes you are. Do you seriously think that they would have even looked at you if you weren't the Great Ellis Grey's daughter? No, they wouldn't have. Go to Oxford then Meredith, if that's what you really want. Go and enjoy yourself. I hope that it's everything that you want and so much more. I can't guarantee that I'll be here when you get back!"

Derek strode away in disgust. He couldn't believe her. He couldn't believe that he had said those horrible hurtful things to her. But he had lashed out because he was hurting. He knew that didn't excuse his behaviour, but he couldn't stop. He'd wanted to hurt her as much as she had hurt him, and he had. He could tell by the look of shock and despair in her eyes that he had hurt her, badly too. Who was he kidding with that crack about not being there when she got back. Meredith was the only one for him, no getting away from that. He'd just have to find a way to deal with the pain of not having her around.

_I can't believe he said those things to me! Who does he think he is? My god, the hide of the man! Well, that played out pretty much how I thought it would. Seems I know him a little better than Addi and Mark. He'll get over it my ass!!_

_Mom was right, a little perspective and distance might be good for me. Well Derek Shepherd, you told me to go, so I'm going. I'll just have to find a way of getting on with life with this massive, gaping hole in my chest where my heart used to be._

_England here I come..._

**A/N: Not such a happy ending to the chapter I know, but essential none the less. Also, I know that Meredith went to Dartmouth, but that didn't really fit in with my story so I took some artisitc licence. **

**Hope you enjoyed the chapter, please review and let me know what you think. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**A/N: Thanks to all of you who read and review. It's nice getting feedback. **

**Thanks again to Kaz for proof reading - you're a star.**

"Meredith? Meredith?!"

Someone was shaking her. Rolling over Meredith slapped the arm away.

"Go away" she said sleepily.

"C'mon Meredith, get up. We need to start getting ready. I'm getting married today!" Addison practically squealed the last four words.

That woke Meredith up pretty quickly.

"Addison! I'm so sorry. It feels like I just went to sleep. What time is it?"

"It's 8.30am and we need to start getting ready. C'mon sleepy head out of bed." Addison said as she tugged on Meredith's arm, pulling her from the bed.

Groaning inwardly Meredith decided that it was going to be a very long day. She hadn't slept very well last night. Addi and her had talked about nothing but Derek last night when they came home from the restaurant. Not a good idea before going to bed, all she had dreamt about was the man himself. But what glorious dreams they had been. Still, she didn't feel as though she had slept at all.

Meredith and Addison had decided that it would be best if she ignored the attraction that she felt for Derek. Addison was convinced that it was just the fact that they hadn't seen each other since high school and that Meredith hadn't completely resolved her feelings for Derek. After discussing the subject at length they had decided that it was good old fashioned lust that she was feeling and nothing that would result in a lasting relationship, unlike what she felt for Finn.

Arriving at the church with Addi, Meredith looked over at her friend. Addison looked the absolute picture of contentment. Meredith on the other hand was an absolute bundle of nerves. She tried to tell herself that she was nervous on behalf of Addison, but she only half believed it. She knew without a doubt that it was the thought of seeing Derek again that was making her feel like this.

Walking up the aisle Meredith tried to keep her eyes straight ahead, focused on the minister, but they were drawn to the right, to Derek.

Meredith's breath caught in her throat. He was breathtakingly gorgeous in his tux. It should be a sin for a man to look that good Meredith thought to herself. Thinking of the sinful things that she would like to do to him, Meredith felt herself starting to colour. _This is insane, _she thought. _How on earth am I supposed to get through the rest of the day without thinking about him when there he is in all his glory right in my face? It's as if he's saying "Look at me Meredith, look at what you gave up". _

Looking into his eyes, after studying her bouquet while she calmed herself, Meredith was horrified to see Derek smiling at her. The look on his face was as though he had been reading her mind. _Surely I'm not that transparent, _she thought to herself, he couldn't know what she had been thinking, she hardly believed it herself. Obviously the colour in her cheeks had given away her scandalous thoughts. Mentally shaking herself Meredith continued up the aisle to take her place.

Derek had watched Meredith's every step as she walked up the aisle. He couldn't believe how beautiful she looked in her dress. It was the exact same colour as the dress that she had worn to senior prom. He smiled as he remembered that particular dress and how it had left little to the imagination. This dress was much the same as far as that went, it hugged her in all the right places. Addison had chosen well, he made a mental note to tell her how perfect her choice of dress had been.

Still watching her as she walked toward the alter, Derek marveled at the changing expressions on her face. When she first entered the church she'd had a tentative smile on her face, but as she moved closer toward him he could see that her cheeks were pink as if she had been thinking about something that she shouldn't have. What he wouldn't give to know what was going through her mind at the moment.

Derek had spent a sleepless night tossing and turning thinking about Meredith. About what she had said to him before she had walked away from him at the restaurant.

She was right, he should have assumed that they would be able to behave like adults, but all he could think about was the fact that he wanted to spend some time alone with her, away from prying eyes. It had been nothing but a flimsy excuse to talk to her. He hadn't meant a word of it, except for the part about her reaction to him. She had shot him down in flames, typical Meredith, always prepared to drop him down peg or two . He had wanted to make sure that he wasn't the only one feeling things that should have long ago been dead. Although she had told him that he was imagining things, he knew her better than that. She had protested way too much for him not to have affected her in any way. Hell she was affecting him, had been since he first sensed her presence when she had pulled up out the front of the church.

_She's been affecting you longer than that though hasn't she? _A little voice inside his head asked. That was true, he had never really gotten over her leaving him. Sure he had dated other women, but none of them compared to Meredith. She was the only one for him, of this he was certain. He just had to figure out a way to make her see that.

Mark had told him last night that Meredith was engaged to be married. That had knocked the wind out of his sails for all of about 5 minutes.

As he had said to Mark, "She may be engaged, but she's not married. I've still got time to convince her that we should be together."

Mark had just shaken his head and laughed wishing him luck. He knew that Meredith's Fiancee was still in England. So he had formulated a plan that he would put into place once they were at the reception venue. He only wished that he hadn't brought Rose with him, that was making things more complicated than he liked.

Standing beside Addison at the alter Meredith watched Derek as he handed Mark the rings, wondering what he was thinking. Meredith herself had been thinking about how she had once pictured herself and Derek exchanging rings and vowing to love, honour and cherish one another in this very church. That was a dream that had been relegated to darkest recesses of her mind. Being here today, standing so close to Derek in such circumstances had brought it all back.

The thing that really hit home was that she was standing at the alter of the church that she had wanted to be married in and was thinking not about her Fiancee but of the man that she had left all those years ago. That thought and the fact that she tingled all over just by being this close to Derek made her realise that she was in fact still in love with him. She realised now, too late to do anything about it that she had made a huge mistake in leaving things the way that she had. Meredith also realised that feeling the way she did about Derek, that she couldn't marry Finn in good faith.

Now that she had finally admitted to herself how deeply she loved Derek. Meredith was strangely comforted, comforted because she had finally allowed herself to admit to the feelings that she had obviously harboured for so long, but at the same time saddened as she realised that they could never be together.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride." The minister announced, bringing Meredith out of her reverie.

Applauding along with everyone else in the church Meredith realised that she had tears in her eyes. They must be tears of happiness for Addi and Mark, she thought to herself.

As they turned to walk back down the aisle behind the newly announced Mr and Mrs Sloane, Meredith and Derek fell into step beside each other. Taking her arm, Derek looked over at Meredith questioningly. Noticing the tears in her eyes, he becomes immediately alarmed.

"Meredith " he whispers "Are you okay?"

Looking up at Derek, Meredith offers a half-hearted smile.

"I'm fine Derek."

"If you're fine then why are you crying?" he asked his voiced laced with concern.

"I'm not really crying. I always get a little teary at weddings. I guess that I have so much invested in this wedding emotionally that I had to release it somehow. I'll be fine in a few minutes. Don't worry," she replied in an upbeat tone.

_If only he knew what I was really crying for, _she thought to herself. What she really wanted to tell him was that she was crying over missed opportunities. The fact that she had him and then let him go. She wondered if he would see the irony of the situation? She doubted it very much. If she had told him what she was really upset about she was certain that he would have said something along the lines of "That's the way the cookie crumbles Meredith . You had your chance and threw it away."

Gripping her arm more firmly Derek continued to walk back toward the entry to the church.

Noticing a few people that he recognized in the guests assembled he smiled. But his mind wasn't on the other guests, all he could think about was Meri.

Somehow he knew that she hadn't been telling him the whole truth when he had quizzed her about her tears. He wondered why he felt as though she had been holding something back. When they were younger he had always been able to read her pretty easily. As one of the top neurosurgeons in the country he often relied on his instincts to read a situation. From the way that Meredith was behaving just now, he would bet good money that she was holding something back. He made up his mind that he would find out what that something was before the evening was over.

As they stood on the steps of the church posing for photographs with the other members of the bridal party, Derek wondered what would have happened had Meredith not up and left to move half way around the world. Would they still be together and getting married as Addison and Mark had just done? He liked to think so. Of all the women that he had dated since Meredith, she was the only one that he could picture himself growing old with.

Yes, Derek was pretty certain that if Meredith had stayed in Seattle that they would have married and had children. He promised himself, while he looked down at her and smiled that he would do everything in his power to make sure that by the time this wedding celebration was over that he and Meredith were together. Never again to be parted.

First step in this process was extracting a promise from Meredith . Leaning down Derek breathed in the scent of her, lord but she smelt good, biding his time was going to be no mean feat. Moving down to her ear, Derek stilled, he was so close that he would have kissed below her earlobe, as he had so many times before. How he wanted to, but decided that he needed to do this right.

Leaning in closer still he whispered, "Meredith , I want you to promise me one thing tonight."

"What's that Derek?" she replied, willing herself to continue looking straight ahead so that he wouldn't see how affected she was by his nearness.

"I want you to promise that you'll dance with me at least once."

"But of course Derek, I have to dance with you tonight, it's my duty as Maid of Honour to dance with the best man," Meredith replied sweetly.

Derek groaned in frustration. She wasn't making this easy for him. Turning her head so that she could look him in the eye Derek said,

"In that case what I should have said was, that I want you to save me 2 dances Meri . The obligatory one, and another. Do you think that you could handle that?"

Her eyes widened with surprise, he had called her Meri, that implied familiarity and affection. He had always called her that when they dated, it was his pet name for her. She had always loved the way that he said it. No-one else said it quite the same as Derek, that's why she preferred to be known as Meredith.

"Of course Derek. I can, if you can," she replied with a confidence that she didn't feel. This was going to be a long night Meredith thought to herself.

**A/N: So that's chapter 6. Hope you enjoyed it. Please review and let me know what you thought.**


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